Published January 2020
AUSTIN, TX –Despite numerous reminders of its existence, friends of local man Cameron Gluick have still not listened to Gluick’spodcast.
Published October 2019
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In order to get President Donald Trump to meetings on time White House staff have been using cupcakes tied to strings to lure him into the correct room at the correct time.
Published August 2017
WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump is confused as to why his repeated attempts to pardon The Hamburgler have been met with resistance.
Published September 2016
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The investigation in to Hillary Clinton’s use of a private email during her time as United States Secretary of State has revealed more than 80 percent of the emails sent or received by Clinton were Twilight fan fiction and pantsuit catalogs.
“(The FBI) reviewed all available emails and while we found nothing to indicate a violation of any law, we did find a shockingly large number of Twilight fan fiction stories and pantsuit catalogs,” said FBI Director, James Comey.
Published December 2015
NEW YORK, NY – Toy Aficionado magazine has released its annual “Best toys” list to aide parents looking for the best and hottest toys this holiday season. The list features a number of new toys as well as a couple “old favorites.”
“This season is all about Star Wars,” said Toy Aficionado magazine Senior Editor Hal Sweera. “Star Wars has put its name on just about everything. And while the action figures and Lego sets may get a lot of attention, but the best Star War toy is actually the Rocks and Sticks set.”
Published February 2015
DAMASCUS, SYRIA – After suffering a series of recent defeats, the terrorist organization known as Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (ISIS) is looking to re-brand its image in hopes of bringing in new recruits.
According to senior ISIS leaders, recruitment of new members has slowed as the population of men between the ages of 16 and 25 has been depleted.
Published May 2013
WASHINGTON, DC – In an effort to increase their social media presence and communicate their platform more efficiently to younger Americans, the Republican Party has started a program to teach its base how to use the internet.
“Republicans need to start tweeting and Facebooking and Yelping and they just need to start being online more. A lot more,” said Republican Strategist William Smithson.
Published August 2012
SILVERLAKE, CA – Friends of Dillon “Dilly” Feinberg were disappointed to discover that he actually likes things that are popular for un-ironic reasons.
Published September 2011
HOLLYWOOD, CA – Excitement is building as several new television shows are set to debut in the next several weeks as networks kick off their new fall schedule.
Published October 2008
CHARLOTTESVILLE, OH – Manufacturers are working feverishly on an upgrade to the software installed in the SkyNet Cyborg model XX1331, more commonly referred to as Governor Sarah Palin. The Republican Party is putting pressure on SkyNet to resolve a number of issues as the party is becoming less and less happy with its recent purchase of a Palin.