PITTSBURGH, PA – A new study out of the University of Pittsburgh shows that a large majority of Generation Z is not planning to have children because “fuck that.”

PORTLAND, OR – A local 22-year-old woman admits she did not vote in the recent election despite having every intention of doing so.

NASHVILLE, TN – Country singer Glenn Coventry is considering posting a video of himself using the N-word to boost record sales for his new album.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – After months of social and political pressure, social media companies will soon begin offering an option that will allow users to decline becoming racist.

NEW YORK, NY – Pornography website Pornhub has pledged to help fight racism by only offering interracial content.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump has begun wearing a hand-made sash and a paper crown around the White House as well as some official events.

LONDON, ENGLAND – Avon Products will be launching a new line of daily use face creams, called Crem De La BlaqueFace next month.

SALT LAKE CITY, UT – Local Finance Manager Johnathan Nichols says he doesn’t understand why it seems so many minorities are untrusting of police officers.

LOS ANGELES, CA –Rich, white men from across the country say they are getting sick and tired of being exposed as racists.

“I’m sick and damn tired of people finding out that I’m a racist! I can’t even use the ‘N’ word in the privacy of my own house anymore,” said millionaire Roderick Bennington. “What good is having all of this money if you can’t undermine and subjugate those you perceive as being less than you?”

TALLAHASSEE, FL – Confused as to why minorities continue to live in Florida, the Florida State government has announced that it will be more direct in it’s efforts to make minorities feel unwelcome in the state.