KHARTOUM, SUDAN–The people of Sudan say they are looking forward to the pending influx of free Stanley cups as the popularity of the large travel cups has begun to subside in the United States of America.

BOGOTA, COLOMBIA – In an effort to draw tourists to the country, Columbia will open it’s first ski resort featuring cocaine rather than snow.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – To incentivize reluctant employees to return to the office, companies are offering new in-office only perks like on-site clowns, monthly balloon parties, new glory holes, and free shrimp cocktail.

HEAVEN – After returning from vacation and seeing the state of Earth, God has promised to never again put his kids in charge while he is away.

SALT LAKE CITY, UT – Adult stores across the country are dealing with inventory issues as Americans become vaccinated against COVID-19 and the need for social distancing is rapidly decreasing.

ATLANTA, GA – As children across the country return to school concerns of exposure to and spread of COVID-19 have parents worried about their family’s safety.

DALLAS, TX – A local sports fan, Derrick Browdirt, has found himself unable to communicate with other males due to the cancellation of all sports and sporting events during the COVID-19 pandemic.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Vice President Mike Pence has been sent to a maintenance shop after aides forgot to plug the Vice President in to a power source before the long holiday vacation.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump released a statement late last evening indicating that the United States of America will return ownership of Alaska to Russia.

GOLDEN, CO – The Hernandez family dog, Peppers, was unimpressed with its Christmas present this year, angering the family.