Fender Releasing New Guitar Designed to Sit in the Background of Video Conference Calls
Published August 2023FULLERTON, CA – Guitar manufacturer Fender will be releasing a new line of guitars designed specifically to sit in the corner of a room during video conference calls.
Study: Gen Zers Do Not Want Children Because "Fuck That"
Published August 2023PITTSBURGH, PA – A new study out of the University of Pittsburgh shows that a large majority of Generation Z is not planning to have children because “fuck that.”
GOP Presidential Hopeful Nikki Haley Looking Forward to Losing Nomination to Man
Published June 2023COLUMBIA, SC – Republican presidential candidate Nikki Haley says she is looking forward to a long campaign and ultimately losing the nomination to an old, white man later this year.
Local Mother Mentally Preparing Herself for Mother's Day Disappointment
Published May 2023SPOKANE, WA – A local mother has begun preparing herself for the inevitable disappointment of Mother’s Day.
Fox News Promises to Interview Diverse Group of White Men to Replace Tucker Carlson.
Published May 2023NEW YORK, NY –After the recent ousting of longtime anchor Tucker Carlson, Fox News has committed to interviewing a diverse group of white men to replace the former host.
Local Man Doesn't Recognize Music Festival Bands
Published March 2023PHOENIX, AZ – A local man was saddened by the realization that he did not know, nor had heard of, any bands that are scheduled to play a local music festival.
Mystery Inc. Teens Arrested for Harassment of Mill Owner
Published April 2023WORCESTER, MA – A group of teenagers has been arrested for the assault and harassment of a local mill owner. The teenagers, who refer to themselves as Mystery, Inc., were also charged with trespassing and possession of controlled substances.
Florida Changing State Motto to "White Place, White Time"
Published February 2023TALLAHASSEE, FL – Florida Governor Ron DeSantis has announced a change to Florida’s state motto. As of March 1, 2023, the new Florida state motto will be “White Place, White Time.”
Colombia Opens Ski Resort Using Cocaine Instead of Snow
Published February 2023BOGOTA, COLOMBIA – In an effort to draw tourists to the country, Columbia will open it’s first ski resort featuring cocaine rather than snow.
Google To Use Mothers to Teach New AI Interface
Published March 2023SEATTLE, WA – Google has announced a shift in strategy for the company’s Artificial Intelligence (AI) interface, relying on mothers instead of the internet to help inform AI decision making.