Arden Bleamoe says he has a "sick" spring break vacation planned and definitely won't be going home to his parent's house and masturbating the entire time.

College Student Has "Sick" Spring Break Plans and Definitely Won't Be Going to his Parent's House

SPOKANE, WA – Gonzaga University freshman Arden Bleamoe told friends that he has “sick” spring break plans and he is definitely not going home to his parent’s house.


Kentucky Senate passed a law that will make it illegal for a trans woman to give a man an erection.

Kentucky Passes Law to Stop Trans Women from Giving Men Erections

FRANKFORT, KY – The Kentucky Senate has passed a new bill making it illegal for trans women to give men erections.


The CDC will soon issue new COVID guidance documents that can be used as an excuse to not see family this holiday season.

CDC Reminds Americans COVID Still a Valid Excuse to Not Visit Family

WASHINGTON D.C., – Although severe cases and hospitalizations have decreased in recent months, scientists are the Center for Disease Control (CDC) say that COVID is still a valid excuse to not see relatives at Thanksgiving.


Local man James Beal hoped the new Zelda video game would complete his life, but it did not.

New Video Game Fails to Make Local Man's Life Complete

SALEM, OR – After almost five years of waiting, local man James Beal, 29, has announced that the new video game, The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom (TOTK), has not made his life complete.


A van is parked outside a mill where teens were arrested for harassment.

Mystery Inc. Teens Arrested for Harassment of Mill Owner

WORCESTER, MA – A group of teenagers has been arrested for the assault and harassment of a local mill owner. The teenagers, who refer to themselves as Mystery, Inc., were also charged with trespassing and possession of controlled substances.


Classified documents were found under the bed of former Student Council President Chase Johnson.

Classified Documents Found at Home of Former Student Council President

CHICAGO, IL – Makar Elementary School officials are calling for an investigation after confidential documents were found under the bed of former Student Council President, Chase Johnson.


Southwest has released a plan to combat the recent wave of cancelations.

Southwest Airlines Will Allow Passengers to Fly Planes to Reduce Cancellations

ATLANTA, GA – Southwest Airlines has announced a three-pronged plan for addressing the large number of flight cancelations the airline has made in recent weeks.


Marcus Weeksy's classmates have declared him to be the "luckiest boy in the world."

"Luckiest Boy in the World" Celebrates Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza

COSTA MESA, CA – Classmates have declared local boy the “luckiest boy in the world” for celebrating Christmas, Hanukkah, and Kwanza.


Santa Claus has converted his sleigh from reindeer power to electric power.

Santa Claus Switches Sleigh from Reindeer Power to Electric Power

NORTH POLE – To help offset his carbon footprint, Santa Claus has announced that he has converted his sleigh from reindeer power to electric power.


Cassie Toews said she was definitely going to vote but then didn't because stuff came up.

Local 22-Year-Old Was Definitely Going to Vote but Like… Stuff Came Up

PORTLAND, OR – A local 22-year-old woman admits she did not vote in the recent election despite having every intention of doing so.


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