

Apple Adds New iPhone Image Filters for Dick Pics
Published November 2024SAN FRANCISCO, CA –Apple has announced it will soon add new photo filters specifically designed for dick pics.

McDonald's Cuts Price of Food But Add New Fees
Published October 2024CHICAGO, IL – In response to complaints about high prices, McDonald’s announced plans to reduce the price of menu items but add new service fees.

University to Offer New Meth Sommelier Degree
Published August 2024FLAGSTAFF, AZ– Northern Arizona University (NAU) has announced a new degree program which it hopes will attract new students – Meth Sommelier.

NRA Congratulates High School Grads Who Somehow Made It to Graduation Without Getting Killed
Published April 2024ALEXANDRIA, VA – The National Rifle Association has sent congratulation cards to all graduating, American high school students congratulating them for making it through school without falling victim to gun violence.

Woman’s Athletic Accomplishments Immediately Compared to Every Male Athlete’s Accomplishments
Published May 2024DES MOINES, IA – After a record-breaking collegiate career, woman’s college basketball player Caitlin Clark’s accomplishments have been compared to the accomplishments of every male athlete ever.

Republicans Turn to GOPnlyFans to Raise Funds for Election
Published March 2024WASHINGTON, D.C. –Republicans running for seats in the Senate and House of Representatives have turned to a new website to help in fundraising efforts – GOPnlyFans.

NHL to Cover Every Available Surface in Advertisements
Published January 2024TORONTO, CANADA – The NHL announced that starting next year advertising will be added to every available spot on the ice, boards, and uniforms.

Local Man Spends Holiday Parties Explaining When He Purchased His Tesla
Published January 2024SEATTLE, WA – A local Tesla owner, Mike Velenski, spent a large portion of recent holiday parties explaining to family and coworkers that he purchased the vehicle before finding out Elon Musk is a complete dipshit.

Santa Co. Announces Elf, Reindeer Layoffs
Published December 2023NORTH POLE – Santa Co. has announced that it will be laying off 30% of its workforce to reduce costs in the wake of rising labor and material costs.

Local Reporter Sitting Around Waiting for Next Tik Tok Trend to Appear
Published October 2023PHOENIX, AZ – Local reporter Denise Holman is waiting for the next Tik Tok trend to present itself so she can report on it.
