Several new image filters have been added to the iPhone that are designed to edit and enhance dick pics - including adding small hats to the dick.

Apple Adds New iPhone Image Filters for Dick Pics

SAN FRANCISCO, CA –Apple has announced it will soon add new photo filters specifically designed for dick pics.


McDonald's will be adding 23 new fees to customer's bills.

McDonald's Cuts Price of Food But Add New Fees

CHICAGO, IL – In response to complaints about high prices, McDonald’s announced plans to reduce the price of menu items but add new service fees.


Northern Arizona University will offer a new degree program to teach students about making, maintaining, and pairings of meth.

University to Offer New Meth Sommelier Degree

FLAGSTAFF, AZ– Northern Arizona University (NAU) has announced a new degree program which it hopes will attract new students – Meth Sommelier.


The NRA has sent cards to all high school graduates congratulating them on making it through school without getting shot and killed.

NRA Congratulates High School Grads Who Somehow Made It to Graduation Without Getting Killed

ALEXANDRIA, VA – The National Rifle Association has sent congratulation cards to all graduating, American high school students congratulating them for making it through school without falling victim to gun violence.


Broadcasters and sports writers have compared Caitlin Clark’s accomplishments to every single male athlete ever.

Woman’s Athletic Accomplishments Immediately Compared to Every Male Athlete’s Accomplishments

DES MOINES, IA – After a record-breaking collegiate career, woman’s college basketball player Caitlin Clark’s accomplishments have been compared to the accomplishments of every male athlete ever.


A Republican Senate candidate uses GOPnlyFans to chat with donors.

Republicans Turn to GOPnlyFans to Raise Funds for Election

WASHINGTON, D.C. –Republicans running for seats in the Senate and House of Representatives have turned to a new website to help in fundraising efforts – GOPnlyFans.


Beginning next season, every visible surface will be covered in ads.

NHL to Cover Every Available Surface in Advertisements

TORONTO, CANADA – The NHL announced that starting next year advertising will be added to every available spot on the ice, boards, and uniforms.


Mike Velenski spent much of his time at recent holiday parties explaining that he purchased his Tesla prior to learning Elon Musk is a dipshit.

Local Man Spends Holiday Parties Explaining When He Purchased His Tesla

SEATTLE, WA – A local Tesla owner, Mike Velenski, spent a large portion of recent holiday parties explaining to family and coworkers that he purchased the vehicle before finding out Elon Musk is a complete dipshit.


Santa Co. has announced that it will be laying off elves and reindeer as it looks to reduce it's workforce by 30%.

Santa Co. Announces Elf, Reindeer Layoffs

NORTH POLE – Santa Co. has announced that it will be laying off 30% of its workforce to reduce costs in the wake of rising labor and material costs.


Reporter Denise Holman lazily scrolls through Tik Tok as she waits for a new trend to appear.

Local Reporter Sitting Around Waiting for Next Tik Tok Trend to Appear

PHOENIX, AZ – Local reporter Denise Holman is waiting for the next Tik Tok trend to present itself so she can report on it.


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