Republican presidential candidate Nikki Haley says she is looking forward to losing the nomination to a white man.

GOP Presidential Hopeful Nikki Haley Looking Forward to Losing Nomination to Man

COLUMBIA, SC – Republican presidential candidate Nikki Haley says she is looking forward to a long campaign and ultimately losing the nomination to an old, white man later this year.


Cassie Toews said she was definitely going to vote but then didn't because stuff came up.

Local 22-Year-Old Was Definitely Going to Vote but Like… Stuff Came Up

PORTLAND, OR – A local 22-year-old woman admits she did not vote in the recent election despite having every intention of doing so.


Mike Rapide says he is going to take a break from constantly owning Libs.

Local Man to Take a Break from Owning Libs

PRESCOTT, AZ – A local Republican says he’s getting a bored “constantly owning all the libs” and is considering taking some time off to focus on himself.


During the Presidential Inauguration, Hillary Clinton revealed she had been masquerading as Joe Biden for years.

Biden Removes Mask at Inauguration to Reveal Hillary Clinton

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Joe Biden stunned the nation during last month’s inauguration ceremony by removing a mask revealing that Hillary Clinton had been disguised as Biden during the election.


GOP to Deploy Troops, Drones in War on Women

WASHINGTON, DC – After reviewing reports of recent setbacks, Chairman of the Republican National Committee, Reince Priebus, has said he will soon authorize the use of troops and drones in the party’s war on women.

“No single battle has been a catastrophic loss but as these little failures start to pile up… women begin gaining confidence and we simply cannot have that,” said Priebus.


A new documentary shows how dangerous babies can be.

New Documentary Shows Danger Posed by Babies

LOS ANGELES, CA – A new documentary highlighting the danger of babies is causing a series of protests and calls for tighter restrictions on owning a baby.


Obama Planning on “Kicking Back” During Second Term

WASHINGTON, DC – President Obama announced last week that after his inauguration he will just “kick back” for the rest of his second term.


New Study Connects Milkshakes to Sex-Slave Industry

ATLANTA, GA – A report has drawn a direct line between the sex-slavery trade and milkshakes. The report is a result of more than five years of research by the University of Georgia.


Obama Team Releases Health Care Plan

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Barack Obama’s administration has released details on its proposal for overhauling the U.S. health care system. The plan, which would give nearly 90% of American’s free health care, is centered around reducing the number of Americans via free abortions and free assisted suicides.


GOP Candidate OK Abortions For Hispanics

WASHINGTON, DC – Facing stiff competition from Democrats and declining support, many Republican candidates have begun restructuring their platforms and in some cases, straying from conservative support, if only slightly. The biggest change comes in the form of several Republican Presidential candidates now supporting abortion – but only for Hispanics.


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