Published May 2022
NEW YORK, NY – To combat falling testosterone levels in American, white males, Fox News personality Tucker Carlson recommends drinking bull semen.
Published December 2020
NORTH POLE – After testing positive for COVID-19, Santa Claus has been receiving a controversial new treatment that includes the souls of 450 children, among other ingredients, to help Claus recover from the deadly disease.
Published July 2018
BOISE, ID – A bag boy at a local Fred Myers grocery store stated that he is a “rebel” and he doesn’t “care about nothing, especially work.”
Published January 2018
DALLAS, TX – The Valentine’s Day holiday can cause panic and anxiety for those looking for something original, exciting and romantic to do with their loved one.
Published September 2017
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Environmental Protection Agency has released a new study that concludes renewable energy, specifically solar and wind generated power, can cause up to 104,412 illnesses.
“(The EPA) just published a ground breaking report that clearly shows that the renewable energy that the Democrats have been pushing on us for so long is actually the cause of almost every illness that’s out there,” said EPA spokesman Frank Servees.
Published January 2017
VANCOUVER, WA – Workout equipment manufacturer Nautilus has released a new home gym exercise machine that is designed to sit in the garage gathering dust for five years before going up for sale on Craigslist.
Published September 2016
LOS ANGELES, CA – Holy freaking guacamole you guys! It has been, like, forever since I was last able to grace your eye holes with my everlasting words of wisdom!
Published August 2016
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Pokémon Dewgong, a white sea lion like creature, has been added to Endangered Species list the by the International Union for Conservation of Nature.
The creature has been hunted to near extinction in recent weeks as a result of the popularity of the Pokémon Go game.
“In a lot of ways Pokémon Go has been the worst thing to happen to this world but it has been specifically terrible to the poor little Dewgong,” said Pokémon scientist Kellie Peters.
Published September 2015
NEW YORK, NY – As the world becomes more dangerous, a growing trend is creating a list of “must do”s to be completed before one dies – commonly known as a “bucket list.”
Published September 2014
PASADENA, CA – Local mother, Jane Herbst, is refusing to get a flu shot because she read an internet blog post recently that may or may not have said there was a connection between autism and flu shots.