AMHERST, MA – Local man Aiden Toews has made it clear to all attendees at the party that he is willing to spend several hours explaining why the Beach Boys album Pet Sounds is “the best album ever made.”

CHARLOTTE, NC – Local man Terry Cooke, 46, says he has had his childhood ruined 12 to 13 times a day for the past several years.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Many leading climate scientists have decided they will stop warning of pending climate catastrophes and will instead suggest everyone “get to work on their bucket list.”

LOS ANGELES, CA – As people across the country start planning their summer vacations, The Scoop News has reached out to travel industry experts for a list of this year’s top summer vacation destinations.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The United States Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has issued a new rule that requires companies to add a statement on product packaging declaring if the souls of children were used in a product.

SPOKANE, WA – Gonzaga University freshman Arden Bleamoe told friends that he has “sick” spring break plans and he is definitely not going home to his parent’s house.

FRANKFORT, KY – The Kentucky Senate has passed a new bill making it illegal for trans women to give men erections.

GAINESVILLE, FL – Researchers at the University of Florida say they have made a breakthrough in the search to understand why white men are compelled to post their thoughts online after they turn 18.

HEAVEN – During his annual New Year’s Day address to Earth, God said he is planning to “wrap it up” in 2024.

MISSOULA, MT – Thanks to a recent article on the click bait website BuzzFeed, Jason Strooper has realized that he may not have any more joy left in his life.