PORTLAND, OR – A local 22-year-old woman admits she did not vote in the recent election despite having every intention of doing so.

TOLEDO, OH – The winner of the recent Mega Millions lottery jackpot said she plans to purchase her very own politician with the winnings.

BOULDER, CO – Local man, Matt Crellio, has revealed to coworkers that in addition to being an expert in virology he is also an expert in foreign policy with specific focus on Russia.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Beginning next month, Facebook will begin offering degree and postgraduate degree programs to Facebook users.

NASHVILLE, TN – A new online support group has been launched to help Republicans find music made by artists that align with current Republican values.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Democratic National Committee (DNC) leaders are scheduling urgent meetings to discuss how to get people to vote for candidates that the DNC wants them to vote for in the upcoming primaries instead of the candidates that the voter’s actually prefer.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump has begun wearing a hand-made sash and a paper crown around the White House as well as some official events.

KANSAS CITY, MO – Local woman Sandra Gow says that she isn’t sure she is “up for 2020.”

CONWAY, AR – A local woman has been arrested for allegedly conspiring with Russian agents to ruin her ex-boyfriend’s birthday.

CHARLOTTE, NC – After viewing a viral video supporting Gary Johnson, local voter Travis Pickett says he will now vote for Johnson.