MENLO PARK, CA – Meta has announced a change in the company’s virtual reality strategy which will shift focus to producing a virtual reality for and containing only old, white people.

AMHERST, MA – Local man Aiden Toews has made it clear to all attendees at the party that he is willing to spend several hours explaining why the Beach Boys album Pet Sounds is “the best album ever made.”

DETROIT, MI – Automobile manufacturer Dodge has announced an update to its popular Caravan minivan. Beginning this fall, all new Caravan minivans will come with a French Fry underneath each seat.

IRVINE, CA – Taco Bell will be rolling out a new menu item this month consisting of a handful of meat, cheese, and lettuce rolled into a ball. Taco Bell “chefs” are calling the new creation El Wado.

LOS GATOS, CA –After a string of popular releases, Netflix has announced a new cooking competition show titled “I’d Fuck it.”

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Food and Drug Administration announced this week that it has created a new product category, “fewd,” to describe items found on Taco Bell’s menu.

HOUSTON, TX – For his New Year’s Resolution, local Man Glenn Ramirez has committed to finishing the jigsaw puzzle he started in 2019.

WILMINGTON, DE – Democratic Presidential candidate Joe Biden has been taking dance lessons to learn the Macarena in an effort to appeal to America’s Latino youth.

RICHMOND, VA – None of the attendees on the weekly Dorchester International sales call have accepted responsibility for the audible fart heard during last week’s video conference call.

ST. PAUL, MN – Shortly after presenting his newest invention Thomas Dollbe had to come to terms with the realization that the world may not be ready for cars powered by human feces.