WASHINGTON, D.C. – The United States Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has issued a new rule that requires companies to add a statement on product packaging declaring if the souls of children were used in a product.

FRANKFORT, KY – The Kentucky Senate has passed a new bill making it illegal for trans women to give men erections.

GAINESVILLE, FL – Researchers at the University of Florida say they have made a breakthrough in the search to understand why white men are compelled to post their thoughts online after they turn 18.

SEATTLE, WA – A local Tesla owner, Mike Velenski, spent a large portion of recent holiday parties explaining to family and coworkers that he purchased the vehicle before finding out Elon Musk is a complete dipshit.

HEAVEN – During his annual New Year’s Day address to Earth, God said he is planning to “wrap it up” in 2024.

LINCOLN, NE – Local man, Dean Jeffries, is looking forward to sharing his thoughts and views on the Israel-Hamas war with his coworkers at the upcoming office holiday party.

PHOENIX, AZ – Local reporter Denise Holman is waiting for the next Tik Tok trend to present itself so she can report on it.

WASHINGTON D.C., – Although severe cases and hospitalizations have decreased in recent months, scientists are the Center for Disease Control (CDC) say that COVID is still a valid excuse to not see relatives at Thanksgiving.

KYIV, UKRAINE – Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy has formally requested military assistance from the world’s largest army – Taylor Swift’s Swifty Army.

LOS ANGELES, CA – This summer’s fashion trends are beginning to hit store shelves and to help guide readers to make the best choices, The Scoop News has asked several leading fashion industry experts to weigh in on the hottest summer styles.