SAN FRANCISCO, CA –Apple has announced it will soon add new photo filters specifically designed for dick pics.

SALT LAKE CITY, UT – The people of Salt Lake City are eager to welcome the National League Hockey, the whitest of all sports leagues, to the whitest city in America.

LONDON, UK – It’s no secret that The Beatles wrote a number of songs based on real events and real people but what you may not know is that several of The Beatles’ songs were inspired by Ice Spice.

CHICAGO, IL – In response to complaints about high prices, McDonald’s announced plans to reduce the price of menu items but add new service fees.

LOS ANGELES, CA – The popular dating app Tinder is planning on expanding to a new market by allowing users to list their blood type and organ health within the app.

FLAGSTAFF, AZ– Northern Arizona University (NAU) has announced a new degree program which it hopes will attract new students – Meth Sommelier.

AUSTIN, TX – The Texas State Legislature has passed a new law making it illegal to remove truck nuts from a truck.

COLORADO SPRINGS, CO – Local conspiracy theorist says he is patiently waiting to be correct about the COVID vaccine killing millions.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Republican Vice Presidential candidate J.D. Vance has been revealed to be an artificial intelligence generated person.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Many leading climate scientists have decided they will stop warning of pending climate catastrophes and will instead suggest everyone “get to work on their bucket list.”