TALLAHASSEE, FL – Florida Governor Ron DeSantis has announced a change to Florida’s state motto. As of March 1, 2023, the new Florida state motto will be “White Place, White Time.”

BOGOTA, COLOMBIA – In an effort to draw tourists to the country, Columbia will open it’s first ski resort featuring cocaine rather than snow.

SEATTLE, WA – Google has announced a shift in strategy for the company’s Artificial Intelligence (AI) interface, relying on mothers instead of the internet to help inform AI decision making.

CHICAGO, IL – Makar Elementary School officials are calling for an investigation after confidential documents were found under the bed of former Student Council President, Chase Johnson.

ATLANTA, GA – Southwest Airlines has announced a three-pronged plan for addressing the large number of flight cancelations the airline has made in recent weeks.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – After months of increasing hate speech on the platform, Twitter has announced it will begin blocking hate speech directed at rich people.

NORTH POLE – To help offset his carbon footprint, Santa Claus has announced that he has converted his sleigh from reindeer power to electric power.

LOS GATOS, CA –After a string of popular releases, Netflix has announced a new cooking competition show titled “I’d Fuck it.”

BELLEVUE, WA – Amazon warehouse workers across the country will be receiving a special bonus this holiday season in the form of one extra adult diaper.

COLUMBUS, OH – The restaurant and sports bar chain Buffalo Wild Wings will be making a major change to all existing locations over the next six months, replacing all chairs and barstools with continuous flow toilets.