LOS ANGELES, CA – As Halloween approaches, people across the country are looking for the perfect costume.

TULSA, OK – Local man James Wisuksi says he is “very concerned” about how things are going in New York City despite having never been to New York City and having no relatives or friends in New York City.

MARTINVILLE, UT – It was a shocking move that rocked the once quiet city of Martinville. A decision ending one career and beginning another.

PORTLAND, OR – Local man David Ono has sent another email reminding his coworkers about Ono’s band’s upcoming show.

AMHERST, MA – Local man Aiden Toews has made it clear to all attendees at the party that he is willing to spend several hours explaining why the Beach Boys album Pet Sounds is “the best album ever made.”

HOUSTON, TX- Men’s Warehouse has announced a new line of “executive basketball shorts” the company hopes will appeal to remote workers.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA –Apple has announced it will soon add new photo filters specifically designed for dick pics.

LOS ANGELES, CA – The popular dating app Tinder is planning on expanding to a new market by allowing users to list their blood type and organ health within the app.

AUSTIN, TX – The Texas State Legislature has passed a new law making it illegal to remove truck nuts from a truck.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Republican Vice Presidential candidate J.D. Vance has been revealed to be an artificial intelligence generated person.