SAN FRANCISCO, CA – To incentivize reluctant employees to return to the office, companies are offering new in-office only perks like on-site clowns, monthly balloon parties, new glory holes, and free shrimp cocktail.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Chinese government is definitely not censoring or influencing this article which is about Taiwan.

LOS ANGELES, CA – Beginning this month, several prominent restaurant chains will begin serving children meals that come half-eaten.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Elect Joe Biden has announced the nomination of Post Malone to a new cabinet position of Secretary of Yeet.

NORTH POLE – After testing positive for COVID-19, Santa Claus has been receiving a controversial new treatment that includes the souls of 450 children, among other ingredients, to help Claus recover from the deadly disease.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Trump has installed a new head of his COVID task force – a White House Intern that helped remove a computer virus from the President’s laptop.

SEATTLE, WA – A new report from Zillow states that “home office” has replaced “sex dungeon” as the number one search phrase entered by users looking for a new home.

LONDON, ENGLAND – Avon Products will be launching a new line of daily use face creams, called Crem De La BlaqueFace next month.

GLENDALE, AZ – After being visited by three ghosts, local businessman Walter Bandict, has announced that he will no longer offer his employees paid time off and medical benefits.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Fans of the film Titanic, long unhappy with the ending of the film, have launched a petition to have the ending of the film remade “so it’s happy”.