MENLO PARK, CA – Meta has announced a change in the company’s virtual reality strategy which will shift focus to producing a virtual reality for and containing only old, white people.

NEW YORK, NY – Companies across the country have been reinstituting Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) campaigns after realizing women and minorities can be paid less than white men.

SEATTLE, WA – A local woman says she is frustrated with constantly being referred to as “Caleb’s girlfriend” instead of her name.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA –Apple has announced it will soon add new photo filters specifically designed for dick pics.

SALT LAKE CITY, UT – The people of Salt Lake City are eager to welcome the National League Hockey, the whitest of all sports leagues, to the whitest city in America.

COLORADO SPRINGS, CO – Local conspiracy theorist says he is patiently waiting to be correct about the COVID vaccine killing millions.

PARIS, FRANCE – A new sport will be added to this year’s Summer Olympic games – Keep the Balloon Off the Floor, also known as “Balloon Bop.”

ALEXANDRIA, VA – The National Rifle Association has sent congratulation cards to all graduating, American high school students congratulating them for making it through school without falling victim to gun violence.

SEATTLE, WA – A local Tesla owner, Mike Velenski, spent a large portion of recent holiday parties explaining to family and coworkers that he purchased the vehicle before finding out Elon Musk is a complete dipshit.

LINCOLN, NE – Local man, Dean Jeffries, is looking forward to sharing his thoughts and views on the Israel-Hamas war with his coworkers at the upcoming office holiday party.