Cassie Toews said she was definitely going to vote but then didn't because stuff came up.

Local 22-Year-Old Was Definitely Going to Vote but Like… Stuff Came Up

PORTLAND, OR – A local 22-year-old woman admits she did not vote in the recent election despite having every intention of doing so.


Amazon will give each warehouse worker an extra diaper this holiday season.

Amazon Warehouse Workers to Get Extra Diaper as Holiday Bonus

BELLEVUE, WA – Amazon warehouse workers across the country will be receiving a special bonus this holiday season in the form of one extra adult diaper.


Biden Announces I.O.U. Forgiveness Program

WASHINGTON, DC – After the positive reactions to the Student Loan Debt cancelation, President Joe Biden announced a new plan to forgive up to $100 in I.O.U.s.


New Swiffer Lets People Clean Using Their Pets

CINCINNATI, OH – Procter & Gamble has released a new version of the Swiffer Sweeper that attaches to small animals and will allow customers to use their pets to clean floors.


Scott Hackerst is planning on selling a bowling shirt that he got from his uncle.

Local Man Confident He Can Sell Bowling Shirt for $80

PORTLAND, OR – Local man, Scott Hackerst, is pretty sure he can sell a bowling shirt he found at his uncle’s house for $80.


Old Man Winter exposes himself to a woman outside of Helsinki.

Odd Weather Has Old Man Winter’s Friends and Family Concerned He May be Using Drugs

WINTERLAND – Old Man Winter’s family and friends are concerned that his recent erratic behavior may be due to cognitive decline or drug abuse.


Eric Drayton, above, is still wearing a fedora even though the hats have not been fashionable in ten years.

Local Man Still Wearing Fedora For Some Reason

LOS ANGELES, CA – A local Pasadena man is still wearing a fedora hat in publi


Winston (above) and Joshua Castellino have not been invited to a party or family event in over a year.

Local Ventriloquist No Longer Invited to Parties

LAKEWOOD, CO – Local ventriloquist, Joshua Castellino, is no longer invited to parties due to refusal to leave his dummy, Winston, at home.


Jacob Gregory has successfully mentioned that he owns a Tesla in every conversation he's had since purchasing a Tesla.

Tesla Owner Successfully Mentions He Owns a Tesla in Every Conversation

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Local Tesla owner, Jacob Gregory, has successfully worked the fact that he owns a Tesla into every conversation he’s had since purchasing the vehicle in late 2020.


Social Media Companies to Allow Users to Opt-Out of Becoming Racist

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – After months of social and political pressure, social media companies will soon begin offering an option that will allow users to decline becoming racist.


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