Sudan Looking Forward to Inevitable Delivery of Stanley Cups
Published March 2024KHARTOUM, SUDAN–The people of Sudan say they are looking forward to the pending influx of free Stanley cups as the popularity of the large travel cups has begun to subside in the United States of America.
FDA to Require Companies to Declare if Food Contains Souls of Children
Published April 2024WASHINGTON, D.C. – The United States Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has issued a new rule that requires companies to add a statement on product packaging declaring if the souls of children were used in a product.
Coworker Makes Team Building Even All About Her
Published February 2024CHARLOTTE, NC – A company team building event that was intended to focus on staff unity and communication, quickly turned to be all about Accounts Receivable Accountant Sheryl Lekhonen.
Loins Trade Receiver Reynolds for Nicki Minaj
Published February 2024DETROIT, MI – After failing to make the first Super Bowl appearance in the team’s history, the Detroit Loins have announced a blockbuster trade – sending wide receiver Josh Reynolds to New York for rapper and singer Nicki Minaj.
Local Man Spends Holiday Parties Explaining When He Purchased His Tesla
Published January 2024SEATTLE, WA – A local Tesla owner, Mike Velenski, spent a large portion of recent holiday parties explaining to family and coworkers that he purchased the vehicle before finding out Elon Musk is a complete dipshit.
God Planning to "Wrap It Up" By End of 2024
Published January 2024HEAVEN – During his annual New Year’s Day address to Earth, God said he is planning to “wrap it up” in 2024.
CDC Reminds Americans COVID Still a Valid Excuse to Not Visit Family
Published November 2023WASHINGTON D.C., – Although severe cases and hospitalizations have decreased in recent months, scientists are the Center for Disease Control (CDC) say that COVID is still a valid excuse to not see relatives at Thanksgiving.
Buzzfeed Article Proves Local Man Has No Joy in His Life
Published September 2023MISSOULA, MT – Thanks to a recent article on the click bait website BuzzFeed, Jason Strooper has realized that he may not have any more joy left in his life.
Study: Most Chronically Single Men are Total Dipshits
Published September 2023SAN FRANCISCO, CA – A new study from a team of researchers at Stanford University has found that a large majority of single men remain single because they are “dipshits.”
Zelenskyy Asks Taylor Swift for Help in War Against Russia
Published October 2023KYIV, UKRAINE – Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy has formally requested military assistance from the world’s largest army – Taylor Swift’s Swifty Army.