

New Swiffer Lets People Clean Using Their Pets
Published February 2022CINCINNATI, OH – Procter & Gamble has released a new version of the Swiffer Sweeper that attaches to small animals and will allow customers to use their pets to clean floors.

New Poll Finds Majority of Americans Just Can't Anymore
Published January 2022WASHINGTON, D.C. – According to a recent poll, the number of Americans that just can’t anymore is at an all-time high.

Santa Claus Will Not Accept Lists Containing Ivermectin
Published December 2021NORTH POLE – Santa Claus has announced that he will no longer accept children’s Christmas lists that contain Ivermectin, hydroxychloroquine, or Z-pack.

Adrian Veidt Admits Plan to Unify Humanity by Releasing COVID-19 has Failed
Published August 2021NEW YORK, NY – Former superhero and the smartest man in the world, Adrian Veidt, also known as Ozymandias, admitted to engineering and releasing the COVID-19 virus in an effort to bring the people of earth together.

U.S. Sets New Record of COVID Deniers Contracting COVID
Published April 2021WASHINGTON, D.C. – The United States of America set a new COVID record as the number of people who claimed the pandemic was a hoax only to then get infected by COVID rose to over two million.

Tesla Owner Successfully Mentions He Owns a Tesla in Every Conversation
Published April 2021SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Local Tesla owner, Jacob Gregory, has successfully worked the fact that he owns a Tesla into every conversation he’s had since purchasing the vehicle in late 2020.

Cardboard Cutouts Start Fight at Philadelphia Flyers Hockey Game
Published February 2021PHILADELPHIA, PA – Several cardboard cutouts of fans started a brawl during a recent Philadelphia Flyers hockey game.

Biden Removes Mask at Inauguration to Reveal Hillary Clinton
Published February 2021WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Joe Biden stunned the nation during last month’s inauguration ceremony by removing a mask revealing that Hillary Clinton had been disguised as Biden during the election.

To Help Fight Racism Pornhub Will Soon Only Offer Interracial Videos on Site
Published December 2020NEW YORK, NY – Pornography website Pornhub has pledged to help fight racism by only offering interracial content.
God Releases Statement about Coronavirus
Published May 2020