Zelenskyy Asks Taylor Swift for Help in War Against Russia

KYIV, UKRAINE – Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy has formally requested military assistance from the world’s largest army – Taylor Swift’s Swifty Army.


The map of men orbiting around an attractive woman at a gym.

Researchers Map Orbit of Men Around Attractive Women at Gyms

DENVER, CO – Scientists at the University of Denver have mapped, for the first time, the orbit of men around an attractive woman at a gym.


New Swiffer Lets People Clean Using Their Pets

CINCINNATI, OH – Procter & Gamble has released a new version of the Swiffer Sweeper that attaches to small animals and will allow customers to use their pets to clean floors.


A new poll conducted by Stanford University has found that 84% of Americans "just can't anymore."

New Poll Finds Majority of Americans Just Can't Anymore

WASHINGTON, D.C. – According to a recent poll, the number of Americans that just can’t anymore is at an all-time high.


Santa Claus Will Not Accept Lists Containing Ivermectin

NORTH POLE – Santa Claus has announced that he will no longer accept children’s Christmas lists that contain Ivermectin, hydroxychloroquine, or Z-pack.


Former member of The Watchmen, Adrian Veidt, also known as Ozymandias, says he created and released the COVID-19 virus in order to unite humanity against a single threat.

Adrian Veidt Admits Plan to Unify Humanity by Releasing COVID-19 has Failed

NEW YORK, NY – Former superhero and the smartest man in the world, Adrian Veidt, also known as Ozymandias, admitted to engineering and releasing the COVID-19 virus in an effort to bring the people of earth together.


U.S. Sets New Record of COVID Deniers Contracting COVID

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The United States of America set a new COVID record as the number of people who claimed the pandemic was a hoax only to then get infected by COVID rose to over two million.


Jacob Gregory has successfully mentioned that he owns a Tesla in every conversation he's had since purchasing a Tesla.

Tesla Owner Successfully Mentions He Owns a Tesla in Every Conversation

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Local Tesla owner, Jacob Gregory, has successfully worked the fact that he owns a Tesla into every conversation he’s had since purchasing the vehicle in late 2020.


A fight erupted between cardboard cutouts of fans when one cutout accidentally fell on to another.

Cardboard Cutouts Start Fight at Philadelphia Flyers Hockey Game

PHILADELPHIA, PA – Several cardboard cutouts of fans started a brawl during a recent Philadelphia Flyers hockey game.


During the Presidential Inauguration, Hillary Clinton revealed she had been masquerading as Joe Biden for years.

Biden Removes Mask at Inauguration to Reveal Hillary Clinton

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Joe Biden stunned the nation during last month’s inauguration ceremony by removing a mask revealing that Hillary Clinton had been disguised as Biden during the election.


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