Arden Bleamoe says he has a "sick" spring break vacation planned and definitely won't be going home to his parent's house and masturbating the entire time.

College Student Has "Sick" Spring Break Plans and Definitely Won't Be Going to his Parent's House

SPOKANE, WA – Gonzaga University freshman Arden Bleamoe told friends that he has “sick” spring break plans and he is definitely not going home to his parent’s house.


Beginning next season, every visible surface will be covered in ads.

NHL to Cover Every Available Surface in Advertisements

TORONTO, CANADA – The NHL announced that starting next year advertising will be added to every available spot on the ice, boards, and uniforms.


The Detroit Lions have acquired singer and rapper Nicki Minaj as part of a trade with New York.

Loins Trade Receiver Reynolds for Nicki Minaj

DETROIT, MI – After failing to make the first Super Bowl appearance in the team’s history, the Detroit Loins have announced a blockbuster trade – sending wide receiver Josh Reynolds to New York for rapper and singer Nicki Minaj.


Mike Velenski spent much of his time at recent holiday parties explaining that he purchased his Tesla prior to learning Elon Musk is a dipshit.

Local Man Spends Holiday Parties Explaining When He Purchased His Tesla

SEATTLE, WA – A local Tesla owner, Mike Velenski, spent a large portion of recent holiday parties explaining to family and coworkers that he purchased the vehicle before finding out Elon Musk is a complete dipshit.


Most members of Gen Z are not planning on having children because "fuck that".

Study: Gen Zers Do Not Want Children Because "Fuck That"

PITTSBURGH, PA – A new study out of the University of Pittsburgh shows that a large majority of Generation Z is not planning to have children because “fuck that.”


Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers (AMPTP) has given the Writers Guild of America (WGA) a new list of demands in hopes of resolving the current strike.

Studios Give Hollywood Writers New List of Demands

LOS ANGELES, CA – As the writer’s strike in Hollywood continues, the studios have offered a new list of proposals as a path forward to finally ending the strike.


Local man James Beal hoped the new Zelda video game would complete his life, but it did not.

New Video Game Fails to Make Local Man's Life Complete

SALEM, OR – After almost five years of waiting, local man James Beal, 29, has announced that the new video game, The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom (TOTK), has not made his life complete.


Local Mother Mentally Preparing Herself for Mother's Day Disappointment

SPOKANE, WA – A local mother has begun preparing herself for the inevitable disappointment of Mother’s Day.


Fox News have promised to interview a diverse group of white men to replace Tucker Carlson.

Fox News Promises to Interview Diverse Group of White Men to Replace Tucker Carlson.

NEW YORK, NY –After the recent ousting of longtime anchor Tucker Carlson, Fox News has committed to interviewing a diverse group of white men to replace the former host.


Jason Mitchell doesn't recognize any bands performing at the upcoming Dessert Days music festival.

Local Man Doesn't Recognize Music Festival Bands

PHOENIX, AZ – A local man was saddened by the realization that he did not know, nor had heard of, any bands that are scheduled to play a local music festival.


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