KHARTOUM, SUDAN–The people of Sudan say they are looking forward to the pending influx of free Stanley cups as the popularity of the large travel cups has begun to subside in the United States of America.

WASHINGTON, D.C. –Republicans running for seats in the Senate and House of Representatives have turned to a new website to help in fundraising efforts – GOPnlyFans.

HEAVEN – During his annual New Year’s Day address to Earth, God said he is planning to “wrap it up” in 2024.

KYIV, UKRAINE – Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy has formally requested military assistance from the world’s largest army – Taylor Swift’s Swifty Army.

SPOKANE, WA – A local mother has begun preparing herself for the inevitable disappointment of Mother’s Day.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Several of the most popular artificial intelligence (AI) content generators have begun creating articles and stories about how artificial intelligence is nothing to worry about and is, in fact, humankind’s best friend.

CINCINNATI, OH – In an effort to appeal to men, Procter & Gamble (P&G) is releasing a new Dawn Dish Soap made specifically for men.

PRESCOTT, AZ – A local Republican says he’s getting a bored “constantly owning all the libs” and is considering taking some time off to focus on himself.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Food and Drug Administration announced this week that it has created a new product category, “fewd,” to describe items found on Taco Bell’s menu.

LAS VEGAS, NV – Several of the largest sports betting apps will soon allow users to contact individual athletes directly through the app.