MIAMI, FL – The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse have announced they are reuniting for one final world tour this year.

LOS ANGELES, CA – The popular dating app Tinder is planning on expanding to a new market by allowing users to list their blood type and organ health within the app.

COLORADO SPRINGS, CO – Local conspiracy theorist says he is patiently waiting to be correct about the COVID vaccine killing millions.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The United States Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has issued a new rule that requires companies to add a statement on product packaging declaring if the souls of children were used in a product.

IRVINE, CA – Taco Bell will be rolling out a new menu item this month consisting of a handful of meat, cheese, and lettuce rolled into a ball. Taco Bell “chefs” are calling the new creation El Wado.

PORTLAND, OR – A local 22-year-old woman admits she did not vote in the recent election despite having every intention of doing so.

NEW YORK, NY – To combat falling testosterone levels in American, white males, Fox News personality Tucker Carlson recommends drinking bull semen.

AUSTIN, TX – Texas Governor Greg Abbott has signed a new law that makes it illegal to make a white man feel uncomfortable in any way.

NEW YORK, NY – The National Football League has launched a new campaign called “Don’t Be a Pussy” aimed at promoting good mental health among men.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Beginning next month, Facebook will begin offering degree and postgraduate degree programs to Facebook users.