The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse Reunite, Announce Final Tour
Published January 2025MIAMI, FL – The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse have announced they are reuniting for one final world tour this year.
New Meat Alternative Turkeys Hitting the Shelves for Thanksgiving.
Published October 2024DES MOINES, IA – Just in time for the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday, several new vegan turkey options have become available in grocery stores.
Apple Adds New iPhone Image Filters for Dick Pics
Published November 2024SAN FRANCISCO, CA –Apple has announced it will soon add new photo filters specifically designed for dick pics.
McDonald's Cuts Price of Food But Add New Fees
Published October 2024CHICAGO, IL – In response to complaints about high prices, McDonald’s announced plans to reduce the price of menu items but add new service fees.
University to Offer New Meth Sommelier Degree
Published August 2024FLAGSTAFF, AZ– Northern Arizona University (NAU) has announced a new degree program which it hopes will attract new students – Meth Sommelier.
Climate Scientists Now Telling People to Work on Their Bucket Lists
Published August 2024WASHINGTON, D.C. – Many leading climate scientists have decided they will stop warning of pending climate catastrophes and will instead suggest everyone “get to work on their bucket list.”
NRA Congratulates High School Grads Who Somehow Made It to Graduation Without Getting Killed
Published April 2024ALEXANDRIA, VA – The National Rifle Association has sent congratulation cards to all graduating, American high school students congratulating them for making it through school without falling victim to gun violence.
Researchers Identify Hormone Causing Men to Post Idiotic Thoughts Online
Published January 2024GAINESVILLE, FL – Researchers at the University of Florida say they have made a breakthrough in the search to understand why white men are compelled to post their thoughts online after they turn 18.
Loins Trade Receiver Reynolds for Nicki Minaj
Published February 2024DETROIT, MI – After failing to make the first Super Bowl appearance in the team’s history, the Detroit Loins have announced a blockbuster trade – sending wide receiver Josh Reynolds to New York for rapper and singer Nicki Minaj.
Santa Co. Announces Elf, Reindeer Layoffs
Published December 2023NORTH POLE – Santa Co. has announced that it will be laying off 30% of its workforce to reduce costs in the wake of rising labor and material costs.
